my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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