I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
