I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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