i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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