Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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