It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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