You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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