There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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