Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
