My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
