also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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