and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
