What a fucking waste of an outfit
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
