Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
