my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
