apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
