So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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