Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
