The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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