Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
