i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
