I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
