dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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