I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you didnt know i had herpes?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
