She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize