every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
