when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
