you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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