Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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