He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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