census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
