I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
