Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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