Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
