farters have to be the big spoon...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
