That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
