I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
