My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i now understand why vodka
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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