Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
