see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize