I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
