You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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