summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
