I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
