and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
