New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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