At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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