I'm so fucking centered right now
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
