So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
