they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
