I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
