sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
