just tell him i said nine months
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Couch. On fire.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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