Swine flu. Run for my life!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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