thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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