She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
