Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
