I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
