We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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