I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize