yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
