Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
