He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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