Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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