BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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