just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
