note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
