i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
