DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
