Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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