Jerry, you need to find god
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
