1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
