In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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