how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
