You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
